The other night I had this song stuck in my head. It was a song I had heard many times before. I had probably listened to it on my way from work or something. So I didn’t actually think anything of it. I would just randomly burst into song, in the middle of the lyrics throughout the evening. And again, I thought nothing of it. Until I was in bed and some of the lyrics hit me like a ton of bricks.
“I could hold on to who I am and never let You change me from the inside
But You have called me higher
You have called me deeper
And I’ll go where You will lead me Lord”
All Sons & Daughters – Called me Higher
When I heard this song the other night, it was like God was telling me personally that I was holding on too tight to the person and things I had been before. That I had defined myself to who and what I had been. But then He was also telling me that He has called me higher and deeper. In other words, God was telling me that He had bigger plans for me, than I had for myself. (Queu the movie quote). But what those plans were, was beyond me, both literally and figuratively.
With my current work situation I only had a little inkling of what my next steps needed to be. But with subtle and not so subtle messages God had been nudging me out of my comfort zone for months. And that’s exactly where He wanted me. Because outside my comfortzone I have nothing to fall back on, except Him, and what He enables me to do. These nudges have been persistent; sometimes obvious, and other times not so obvious. But now that I look back at the last few months, I see such a clear path.
But I am very aware that that path is beyond my own capabilities. It is beyond what my resume (or CV) would suggest I can do. It is beyond my knowledge, and beyond my experience. It scares me, especially with my history of fear of failure. And yet, I can no longer ignore it, and I no longer want to.
A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.
John A. Shedd
I no longer what to be a ship, anchored in a harbor, afraid to sail. Afraid of my purpose. I am finally ready to take that (almost) literal leap of faith. I have faith that God will open the eyes of others to the potential that He has created in me, rather than my limitations. I have faith that everything in my past has brought me to this point and that God has placed me right here with a purpose. I have faith that my next step, whatever the outcome, will grow my faith and dependence on God. I have faith that when push comes to shove He will enable me to go beyond myself, to accomplish what He is asking of me.